[quote]The rocket separates
It'll burn up just like that
Even God looks away
Crawling in zero gravity
The control tower shut down
Farewell, bye bye, this is freedom

That's enough now
Time is not eternal, you know
It seems like I'm just quietly following

I opened my eyes and I knew that dream
[/quote]

The rocket stages have been separated.
Their fire is all brunt out.
Even God looks away.
I'm crawling in zero gravity.
Mission control has been closed.
The end is also freedom.

There's already been enough;
Time is not eternal, you know.
I think it'll smashed to the root, into silence.

I opened my eyes and understood that dream.

I don't have the kanji here. Is the kanji line for
「つけねわれそう」「 付け根割れそう」？ 　I couldn't figure out what you'd
done with most of that.

The rest looks fine as it is.

[quote="ShyElf"]I don't have the kanji here. Is the kanji line for
「つけねわれそう」「 付け根割れそう」？ 　I couldn't figure out what you'd
done with most of that.

The rest looks fine as it is.[/quote]

平穏に付け狙われそう

oops, i did make a mistake there... it's in passive tense so it should be 'it seems like i'm quietly being followed'. tsukenerau = to keep watch on, to prowl after. heion ni = quietly.

[quote="ShyElf"]Their fire is all brunt out. [/quote]

for reference the line is 'kono mama moetsukiru tte'. you're taking a bit too much liberty there i think... the subject is still the rocket (stage) which is burning up- the verb is in present tense, but you used past tense in english.

[quote="ShyElf"]I opened my eyes and understood that dream.[/quote]

i'm not so good on my 'shiru' vs 'wakaru', but my grammar dictionary reminds me 'shiru' is used for a state of 'knowing' or 'realizing', 'wakaru' is used for instances of understanding or figuring something out.


the other differences are more personal style so i'm not going to quibble over them.

good to have you in the forum.

[quote="terra"]
平穏に付け狙われそう
[/quote]
Ok, I wasn't even close then. I don't know why it took me so long to recognize that conjugation.

[quote="terra"]
for reference the line is 'kono mama moetsukiru tte'. you're taking a bit too much liberty there i think... the subject is still the rocket (stage) which is burning up- the verb is in present tense, but you used past tense in english.
[/quote]
「このまま」 Is normally "If this continues," and though it doesn't have to be conditional, it should at least refer to a state continuing for a long time.

燃え尽きる is not "to burn up" but "to burn out."

The 「って」 wasn't making much sense to me. It's normally a contrated form of 「とゆう」. I was taking it as a contracted 「居て｣, (hence my tense) which I think I've seen though I know that wouldn't be regarded as proper, and if you're going to contract that it really should go to 「もえつきてる」, so that's propbably not right.

If I translate that line without filtering for reasonableness, I get, "They say if this continues (subject dropped) will burn out."

To summarize, I'm not that confident with my translation of that, but yours still doesn't feel right to me either.

[quote="terra"]
i'm not so good on my 'shiru' vs 'wakaru', but my grammar dictionary reminds me 'shiru' is used for a state of 'knowing' or 'realizing', 'wakaru' is used for instances of understanding or figuring something out.
[/quote]
Those are good one word translations of the difference, though it seems to be shifted a little bit so that 'wakaru' is used more often for external things (conversations, homework problems), and 'shiru' is used more often for things that you aren't told (even sometimes where we would use understood).

Actually, now that I look at this again, I can't tell whether it should be "understood" or even "recognized", since 'shitta' could be reasonably used for either, since it's often used were we'd use "recognized" as well. It's just that "I knew that dream" doesn't make that much sense to me in English.

Have a look at my "Orange Film Garden" post, too.
じゃまたね

To add to terra's bit, if you eliminated Farewell bye bye and replaced it with The end is also freedom you'd eliminate the actual lyrics that are sung and thus the phrase looses its meaning, so that one part should stay as is.

[quote="ShyElf"]燃え尽きる is not "to burn up" but "to burn out."[/quote]

look it up on alc (http://www.alc.co.jp). the meaning is a little looser than that.

[quote="ShyElf"]The 「って」 wasn't making much sense to me. It's normally a contrated form of 「とゆう」. [/quote]

i can't explain it off the top of my head but it also means 'even though', or something like that. i should double-check. i'm not 100% happy with it since i couldn't figure out what to do with the 'tte' either.

i guess was going for a kind of 'just like the way it's going' feel as opposed to a 'SNAP! just like that!' if that makes any sense, but i suppose it might not come off that way at first read. 'kono mama' is just strange to translate. ._.

[quote="ShyElf"]It's just that "I knew that dream" doesn't make that much sense to me in English.
[/quote]

yeah, it's slightly awkward. but i couldn't come up with a better solution that didn't add too many words. the feeling i get is it's like he's dreaming about the future, and all of a sudden- bam! the future is here and now, and that is the recognition of which he speaks.

i'll take a look at the others when i get a chance.

[quote="terra"]
http://www.alc.co.jp
[/quote]
Great site. Thanks, I hadn't seen it.
[quote="terra"]
i can't explain it off the top of my head but it also means 'even though', or something like that. i should double-check. i'm not 100% happy with it since i couldn't figure out what to do with the 'tte' either.
[/quote]
This doesn't really help once you convert it back to the more literal
"Say I were to" which it comes from.
It can also be one of the superluity of Japanese indefiniteness markers, and though this makes little sense, it makes more sense than anything else we've come up with, so I'll write it off as one of those, I suppose.
[quote="terra"]
i guess was going for a kind of 'just like the way it's going' feel as opposed to a 'SNAP! just like that!' if that makes any sense, but i suppose it might not come off that way at first read. 'kono mama' is just strange to translate. ._.
[/quote]
It feels more like the burning, is occuring both before and after the sparation. Then you've got a reason to use this construction instead of something meaning "slow" or "for a long time".
[quote="terra"]
the feeling i get is it's like he's dreaming about the future, and all of a sudden- bam! the future is here and now, and that is the recognition of which he speaks.
[/quote]
Yeah, that's what I was seeing as most probable, at least by my second post in this thread, and had written "recognized" to mean.
The weirdness is in English here and not Japanese. It makes no sense that when you see a person and say you know them, that makes perfect sense in English, but when you see your dream and say you know it it doesn't, even though it's the exact same usage and construction.

[quote="しろさん"]
燃え尽きる状態らしい
[/quote]
[quote="メカレノンさん"]
このまま燃え尽きるだろう
[/quote]
状態らしい makes sense with こどまま, so I'm going to believe that, but it's clear that even the native speakers aren't agreeing about this one.