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GoldenRhino
...don't give a fuck
Joined: Fri Sep 30, 2005 12:20 am Posts: 5745 Location: vancouver
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 Re: Post your songs.
Nice work on the vocals, Carn. I'm getting a much stronger sense of the tune/melody, your vocals convey it really well. Much less ambiguity here. Cool dual guitar thing you've got going as well.
This month has turned out harder than expected, meaning I haven't had as much motivation as I'd hope to write and record. I did finish something late last night though. Instrumental, please enjoy. [url]http://fawm.org/songs/73708/[/url]
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Thu Feb 23, 2017 8:55 pm |
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Marekenshin
moderator
Joined: Mon Mar 14, 2005 3:28 pm Posts: 12301 Location: Lost Angels
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 Re: Post your songs.
[quote="CARNVAL372"]I was wondering what songs that came to your mind when I started to pronounce consonants very harsh as well as yelling? [/quote] Well, I mean "almost on the edge of yelling," as in the starting syllables are sometimes delivered with a bit stronger emphasis on many words/phrases on tracks like "Outside Your House" or even "Flying Above Me" than they are on "I saw a witch" and this newest one. GR, song sounds really cool! Regarding your comments on there, did you consider perhaps layering your kick and snare sounds in various sections to get different tones as an easy way beyond just picking the best sample? Another trick I learned some years back was that in addition to layering in a different kick sample, you can also add a low frequency underneath each kick drum hit to fatten up the sound. I can't remember the exact approach, but you find a frequency that matches the bass pitch and just toss in an extra track adding that tone as a layer in the mix (this, I think? https://music.tutsplus.com/tutorials/en ... audio-1401). You can obviously also mess with the EQ on the kick itself and add some reverb to make the tone better, too, yadda yadda...not sure how much you did with that part of the track, and I know these aren't huge, full project pieces, so no criticism here, just thoughts and possible suggestions for when you work on either polishing this cool little thing or make another, similar song down the road.
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Fri Feb 24, 2017 1:03 am |
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CARNVAL372
stalker
Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2005 10:23 am Posts: 977 Location: Homestead, FL
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 Re: Post your songs.
[quote="Marekenshin"][quote="CARNVAL372"]I was wondering what songs that came to your mind when I started to pronounce consonants very harsh as well as yelling? [/quote] Well, I mean "almost on the edge of yelling," as in the starting syllables are sometimes delivered with a bit stronger emphasis on many words/phrases on tracks like "Outside Your House" or even "Flying Above Me" than they are on "I saw a witch" and this newest one.[/quote]
On "Outside Your House", how do you control passionate singing?! Lol I pretty much sung it well for the most part. On the word "love", I really messed up on but everything else I didn't seem to have problem with singing. Though around that time, I didn't have a proper singing technique and didn't do any vocal warmups unlike nowadays. As for "Flying Above Me", I don't recall having a rough time to sing it either, since the song was so fast paced, I didn't think I needed any warmups for it. Though this definitely was at the time where I knew better singing techniques and started to attempt warmups for my songs.
Rhino, how do I simplify my melodies? I believed I asked this question before but you were for some reason oblivious to it.
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Fri Feb 24, 2017 12:01 pm |
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Marekenshin
moderator
Joined: Mon Mar 14, 2005 3:28 pm Posts: 12301 Location: Lost Angels
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 Re: Post your songs.
I am not saying you are "having a problem with singing," I am saying "starting syllables are sometimes delivered with a bit stronger emphasis on many words/phrases." Your more recent recording is much smoother dynamics across each word and doesn't over-emphasize any consonants to my ears.
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Sat Feb 25, 2017 9:59 am |
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CARNVAL372
stalker
Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2005 10:23 am Posts: 977 Location: Homestead, FL
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 Re: Post your songs.
My final FAWM song is finally up! [url]http://fawm.org/songs/76138/[/url] As always, constructive criticism is welcomed and very much appreciated!!
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Tue Feb 28, 2017 4:35 pm |
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Dewith
vain dog
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2007 4:11 pm Posts: 301 Location: Anchorage, Alaska
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 Re: Post your songs.
[quote="CARNVAL372"]My final FAWM song is finally up! [url]http://fawm.org/songs/76138/[/url] As always, constructive criticism is welcomed and very much appreciated!![/quote] Really dug that guitar solo you threw in this song; really, a pretty little jingle to add to the song. I also really enjoy the chord variation you had going on; it kept my focus to the song. If I had to pin point one thing, I would have to say the singing could use a little tweaking. I use that word (tweaking) because you have improved so much (over all: guitar, rhythm, singing). I felt as though some words sung should have been held a little longer than just said. "I have bunch of papers"......I for sure thought you could have squeezed an "a" between "have" and "bunch." If you hold the notes of the word (whether that be the first,middle, or last part of the word), then I think it would have been a even more attracting song. I don't know much about music or how to explain what I mean, but I hope I have helped! haha. Really nice to see your progress man. 
_________________ [color=#FF0000]May all your days be gold my child[/color]
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Tue Feb 28, 2017 5:23 pm |
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CARNVAL372
stalker
Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2005 10:23 am Posts: 977 Location: Homestead, FL
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 Re: Post your songs.
[quote="Dewith"]Really dug that guitar solo you threw in this song; really, a pretty little jingle to add to the song. I also really enjoy the chord variation you had going on; it kept my focus to the song. If I had to pin point one thing, I would have to say the singing could use a little tweaking. I use that word (tweaking) because you have improved so much (over all: guitar, rhythm, singing). I felt as though some words sung should have been held a little longer than just said. "I have bunch of papers"......I for sure thought you could have squeezed an "a" between "have" and "bunch." If you hold the notes of the word (whether that be the first,middle, or last part of the word), then I think it would have been a even more attracting song.[/quote] Thanks for the compliment! I see what you mean, but I believed "I have bunch" added more punch to the delivery when I sung it. I felt that "punch" when I sung "bunch". I feel if I used "I have a bunch" instead, it wouldn't have that "punch" in the delivery. I know it's grammatically incorrect, but I believe in music you can cheat on grammar a little. if it really does work for the song, you should definitely go with it. I have to admit I did start the singing a bit weird in the first verse. For some reason I went with an "Hard Days Night" style of singing in there! lol Since FAWM is over, I'm going to go back to recording my older songs on Soundcloud and Hearthis. lawls And eventually I will get around rerecording my FAWM songs with the full arranging ideas that I had for those songs that you guys certainly don't want to miss! And of course better vocal takes of them too! But first I need to spend time listening, and giving feedback to other FAWMers songs that I have missed listening and commenting!  My goal is to reach at least 50 comments. I'm also thinking of doing a blog on my songs too really soon! 
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Wed Mar 01, 2017 11:39 am |
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Dewith
vain dog
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2007 4:11 pm Posts: 301 Location: Anchorage, Alaska
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 Re: Post your songs.
[quote="CARNVAL372"][quote="Dewith"]Really dug that guitar solo you threw in this song; really, a pretty little jingle to add to the song. I also really enjoy the chord variation you had going on; it kept my focus to the song. If I had to pin point one thing, I would have to say the singing could use a little tweaking. I use that word (tweaking) because you have improved so much (over all: guitar, rhythm, singing). I felt as though some words sung should have been held a little longer than just said. "I have bunch of papers"......I for sure thought you could have squeezed an "a" between "have" and "bunch." If you hold the notes of the word (whether that be the first,middle, or last part of the word), then I think it would have been a even more attracting song.[/quote] Thanks for the compliment! I see what you mean, but I believed "I have bunch" added more punch to the delivery when I sung it. I felt that "punch" when I sung "bunch". I feel if I used "I have a bunch" instead, it wouldn't have that "punch" in the delivery. I know it's grammatically incorrect, but I believe in music you can cheat on grammar a little. if it really does work for the song, you should definitely go with it. I have to admit I did start the singing a bit weird in the first verse. For some reason I went with an "Hard Days Night" style of singing in there! lol Since FAWM is over, I'm going to go back to recording my older songs on Soundcloud and Hearthis. lawls And eventually I will get around rerecording my FAWM songs with the full arranging ideas that I had for those songs that you guys certainly don't want to miss! And of course better vocal takes of them too! But first I need to spend time listening, and giving feedback to other FAWMers songs that I have missed listening and commenting!  My goal is to reach at least 50 comments. I'm also thinking of doing a blog on my songs too really soon!  [/quote] No worries. I think most of my comments are really just opinions, but I hope to point something out here and there! Looking forward, as always, of hearing the new songs you got. Keep on rocking!  I was just say for the adding the "a" part that it would have been fine. It is okay to be grammatically incorrect while writing music; I absolutely agree with you on that. And I think I get the style, now, that you were going for! On another note....I have an album that could use some listening and criticism Here's my new work: https://augustlives.bandcamp.com/album/changesIt's something a little different. Trying to shake things up a little in terms of style. Hope you all enjoy it! 
_________________ [color=#FF0000]May all your days be gold my child[/color]
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Wed Mar 01, 2017 5:11 pm |
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CARNVAL372
stalker
Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2005 10:23 am Posts: 977 Location: Homestead, FL
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 Re: Post your songs.
I've gotta say that you're songwriting has gotten much better from your last album, I'm starting to hear gems coming up! The songs that I liked the most were Changes and Cutthroat. But I also liked Phlegm, Flux, The Shapes Above, and Pressure. So here's my feedback on them, Changes - I liked the guitar hook, and I liked the positive message you had in the lyrics. Real poetic stuff! I pretty much liked every line of the lyrics!! Cutthroat - I liked the chord progressions and the choice of chords you used with the song. A really infectious vocal melody too! I also dig the synthy hooks towards the end. Phlegm - I liked the chord progression and the use of the Neapolitan chord. Flux - I liked how you first started off slow and then later the song picks up! It caught me off guard!! I also liked the guitar hooks, and the bass hooks, it gives it a noodles-y vibe! I also liked the dual guitar solo. Again, I also dig the synthy hooks as well. Pressure - I liked the darky guitar hook you provided here, and it sort of gave me this Black Sabbath vibe from it. The only thing I would probably change about it, is to add a bridge. I think the riff can get too repetitious, and you need something to break off from it. Aside from that, nice take on the doom metal genre! The Shapes Above - I liked the chord progression, the guitar hooks, and it reminds me a bit of Bloodthirsty Butchers. I liked the imagery here in this line of the lyrics, "All I see's blue Until the clouds come back I'll be staying blue" Throughout this album you seem to show off your alternative rock influences a lot more. There's definitely a MBV/Dinosaur Jr. vibes going on this album in the terms of production and songwriting. Not really songwriting related here, but I feel like song titles that don't appear in the lyrics, makes it hard for people to remember them. Just imagine someone getting the song title wrong to one of your songs, " Hey I really liked that "It's always something" song (Cutthroat)!" For people to remember the title of your songs better, I would include them in the lyrics, so it can be easier for them to recognized the song title especially for songs with no intros! The Beatles had songs that were successful that had the title included in the lyrics, courtesy of Wikipedia: All You Need Is Love Can't Buy Me Love Come Together Eight Days a Week Get Back A Hard Day's Night Hello, Goodbye Help Hey Jude I Feel Fine I Want to Hold Your Hand Let It Be The Long and Winding Road Love Me Do Paperback Writer Penny Lane She Loves You Something Ticket to Ride We Can Work It Out Yesterday Maybe try your hand at it as well. 
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Sat Mar 11, 2017 5:23 pm |
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Dewith
vain dog
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2007 4:11 pm Posts: 301 Location: Anchorage, Alaska
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 Re: Post your songs.
[quote="CARNVAL372"] Throughout this album you seem to show off your alternative rock influences a lot more. There's definitely a MBV/Dinosaur Jr. vibes going on this album in the terms of production and songwriting. Not really songwriting related here, but I feel like song titles that don't appear in the lyrics, makes it hard for people to remember them. Just imagine someone getting the song title wrong to one of your songs, " Hey I really liked that "It's always something" song (Cutthroat)!" For people to remember the title of your songs better, I would include them in the lyrics, so it can be easier for them to recognized the song title especially for songs with no intros! The Beatles had songs that were successful that had the title included in the lyrics, courtesy of Wikipedia: All You Need Is Love Can't Buy Me Love Come Together Eight Days a Week Get Back A Hard Day's Night Hello, Goodbye Help Hey Jude I Feel Fine I Want to Hold Your Hand Let It Be The Long and Winding Road Love Me Do Paperback Writer Penny Lane She Loves You Something Ticket to Ride We Can Work It Out Yesterday Maybe try your hand at it as well.  [/quote] First off, thanks a ton for the feedback bud! For a little background, I've been having some disputes with my family about not continuing college and just pursuing music. I've always been one to follow other's life advice on career and how to live; I've made the choice to dedicate my time to music now, which has been a great self-realization for myself doing what I truly enjoy. This is why I named the album Changes. Feels good to finally live a life I will enjoy. Really glad you enjoyed majority of the songs! As soon as I laid down the track Pressure, I instantly thought of Black Sabbath, haha. More on the song, I do wish I had put a bridge in as well as fixed some of the drumming pattern. I have a pretty big influence from Dinosaur Jr's album Farm; I really like how that album was put together. Is MBV my bloody valentine? If so, I've heard of them but never really listened to their stuff; they were pretty well known during my high school years. I haven't heard of Bloodthristy Butcher either! To an extent, I agree with you on the fact that song titles should show up somewhere in the song for better recognition or referencing. Most of the time when I don't put the song title in the lyrics, I typically am just going for a theme driven from the title. I will have to keep a conscious effort to include song titles in lyrics; Thank for the pointer and reference! On another note, I'm working on another album themed around the time I lived in a cabin in Alaska. It's not as alt rock as Changes, but I'm really enjoying the direction it's going in terms of how each song correlates with other songs as a whole; it's a work in progress. I've always bought, upgraded, to Ableton standard; I'm pretty stoked to utilize its other features. I bought it at a discount for being a student, which really knocked the price down. Carnival, do you have Ableton lite or intro?
_________________ [color=#FF0000]May all your days be gold my child[/color]
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Tue Mar 14, 2017 8:28 am |
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CARNVAL372
stalker
Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2005 10:23 am Posts: 977 Location: Homestead, FL
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 Re: Post your songs.
I've used Ableton lite in the past, and not bad but I prefered Audacity's easy of use features. However, Audacity didn't support real-time edit changes with the effects (and still doesn't I believe), and it never supported ASIO devices liked my Line 6 TonePort recording box. So I had no choice but to use Ableton lite. Despite Ableton's difficult features, it had a better layout than Audacity. It had better effects, and it supported ASIO for 24 bit recording. However, I no longer use Ableton, and now I use Reaper which to me had features that were much easier to use than Ableton.
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Wed Mar 15, 2017 10:03 am |
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Dewith
vain dog
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2007 4:11 pm Posts: 301 Location: Anchorage, Alaska
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 Re: Post your songs.
[quote="CARNVAL372"]However, I no longer use Ableton, and now I use Reaper which to me had features that were much easier to use than Ableton.[/quote]
I have a few friends who have told me the same thing comparing Reaper to Ableton. I totally agree with you that it isn't a friendly DAW program to use, at first. After about a year, give or take, I feel pretty comfortable using ableton; however, there is still a ton of stuff I find out weekly. I've been using a free month trial for this site called SkillShare and it's been awesome. They have a whole bunch of videos of people thoroughly explaining sections of ableton and its every feature. The site has tons of other videos, but man did it clear up some wonders I had about ableton; i was considering switching DAW programs prior to watching some vids.
How long have you been using Reaper?
_________________ [color=#FF0000]May all your days be gold my child[/color]
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Wed Mar 15, 2017 3:09 pm |
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Marekenshin
moderator
Joined: Mon Mar 14, 2005 3:28 pm Posts: 12301 Location: Lost Angels
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 Re: Post your songs.
Yo Dewith, I really dig the dissonant notes in Phlegm. In contrast, I think that while the dissonant bits of the vocal melodies for Kept Trying... are quite good, it may have been worth doing a few more takes to get all the notes just right, since you're doing some tricky harmonies there (a semitone or two off pitch becomes more noticeable to my ears on that kind of interval). Not a huge deal, by any means, though, still sounds cool! I notice that there's a strong theme of minor/dissonant sounds going on for this one. I quite enjoy that, overall. The use of parallel lines between the guitar, bass, and vocals (with octave) is so frequent that it ends up on the verge of a bit too much for my taste. My favorites were probably Phlegm and The Shapes Above this time. Actually, I kind of wish that The Shapes Above ended by going into something more upbeat/fast, since the overall album is quite downbeat (but like all comments, it's just preference/taste). I didn't listen on my headphones this time, so I can't comment as well on the production, but overall it sounded like the levels were balanced nicely except for a few spots where the fuzz seemed a little loud. Here's another one from me. I actually worked with an old IMer (lmd2131) to write out the chord progression and then wrote the vocals/lyrics. He chose the title, is half joke is half I don't feel like giving this a proper title right now. https://soundcloud.com/midnight-down/la ... s-de-tagleP.S. Carnval, you'll notice a cadence utilizing that IV->iv on this one~
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Thu Mar 16, 2017 10:38 pm |
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Dewith
vain dog
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2007 4:11 pm Posts: 301 Location: Anchorage, Alaska
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 Re: Post your songs.
[quote="Marekenshin"]Yo Dewith, I really dig the dissonant notes in Phlegm. In contrast, I think that while the dissonant bits of the vocal melodies for Kept Trying... are quite good, it may have been worth doing a few more takes to get all the notes just right, since you're doing some tricky harmonies there (a semitone or two off pitch becomes more noticeable to my ears on that kind of interval). Not a huge deal, by any means, though, still sounds cool! I notice that there's a strong theme of minor/dissonant sounds going on for this one. I quite enjoy that, overall. The use of parallel lines between the guitar, bass, and vocals (with octave) is so frequent that it ends up on the verge of a bit too much for my taste. My favorites were probably Phlegm and The Shapes Above this time. Actually, I kind of wish that The Shapes Above ended by going into something more upbeat/fast, since the overall album is quite downbeat (but like all comments, it's just preference/taste). I didn't listen on my headphones this time, so I can't comment as well on the production, but overall it sounded like the levels were balanced nicely except for a few spots where the fuzz seemed a little loud. Here's another one from me. I actually worked with an old IMer (lmd2131) to write out the chord progression and then wrote the vocals/lyrics. He chose the title, is half joke is half I don't feel like giving this a proper title right now. https://soundcloud.com/midnight-down/la ... s-de-tagleP.S. Carnval, you'll notice a cadence utilizing that IV->iv on this one~[/quote] I should have taken another vocal take on Kept Trying....The first guitar solo (notes leading up to it) were unbalance, so I feel. I appreciate your feedback and suggestions. I'm trying to incorporate dissonant notes a little less but find myself leaning more towards it, as you can hear. This was my first kind of take on a little more alternative sound, so there was bound to be some hiccups here and there. I know for the song Pressure, the drums could have used a little tightening up. Listening again, there are a couple spots I really should have improved and spent more time on. I wanted the album to end on a softer note than when it started; hence why The Shapes above didn't have any beat pickup in it. I will say, however, that the upbeat pickup would have been a great idea for that particular song. Everyone's suggestions and opinions keep me on my toes when I record, so again, I really appreciate everyone's time spent on thoughtful replies! As for your song, I really really dig the chords you use here. I'm not too familiar with music talk, but after the words "that time demands we learn," those chords really caught my attention greatly. The following chords after really complimented. I've never had an real critiques on improvement for your song, so I'll just say I really enjoyed the song overall. Keep it up man!
_________________ [color=#FF0000]May all your days be gold my child[/color]
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Fri Mar 17, 2017 8:34 am |
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Marekenshin
moderator
Joined: Mon Mar 14, 2005 3:28 pm Posts: 12301 Location: Lost Angels
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 Re: Post your songs.
So I get credit for only part of those aspects, this time! The verse chord progression with that great A-E6 thing was all lmd2131, and we worked out the overall progression together (although I pulled the chorus chords from an idea we had jammed to a few weeks prior and I think I wrote the prechorus chords, too). The cool riff after the first verse/prechorus is stolen directly from the Japanese rock band Number Girl.  It's just some intervals played in rapid succession until the final chord: 24xxxx 46xxxx 57xxxx x57xxx 24xxxx 46xxxx 57xxxx 46xxxx 24xxxx 02xxxx 24xxxx 46xxxx 57xxxx x57xxx x47xxx 022120 Edit: Also, I don't think you go too far with the dissonant notes! It just seems like feeling out a few more sonic options for what to do with that sound to give your album more tonal variety might keep listeners more interested. The songwriting itself is quite good, and I think you're developing a "sound" in terms of the vocal stylings - there are some trends with how you do your meters that I quite enjoy. Anyway, as always, keep it up!
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Fri Mar 17, 2017 9:52 am |
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