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Funny Bunny (suggested corrections and questions)
https://forum.pirouzu.net/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=1913		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  pr0n [ Thu Apr 27, 2006 1:59 am ]
Post subject:  Funny Bunny (suggested corrections and questions)
I don't speak or read japanese with any skill, but I noticed at the very least the romaji on this site is incorrect, and a couple things about the translation bother me. I noticed terra isn't the translator, so perhaps I may be right.
Based on the lyric sheet, I believe the romaji should be:

ousama no koe ni sakaratte
barechatta yoru kimi wa waratte ita

oorora ni sawareru oka no ue
ryoute o nobashite boku o sasotte ita

hodokete barabara ni natta biizu
kirei da ne tte yozora ni purezento

doukeshi wa sugao o misenaide
joudan mitai ni aru hi inakunatta

sekai wa kyou mo kantan sou ni mawaru
sono supiido de namida mo kawaku kedo

kimi no yume ga kanau no wa
dareka no okage ja nai ze
kaze no tsuyoi hi o erande
hashitte kita

ima goro doko de doushiteru no kana
me ni ukabu tereta ushiro sugata ni
aitai na

kimi no yume ga kanau no wa
dareka no okage ja nai ze
kaze no tsuyoi hi o erande
hashitte kita

tobenakutemo fuan ja nai
jimen wa tsuzuite iru n da
suki na basho e yukou
kimi nara sore ga dekiru

I left the slurred verbs (te + ita) as they are on the sheet, but changed wo -> o and ha -> wa, as they normally are. There were mistakes in a few lines:

3 hoka should be oka
4 o was missing after ryoute, unslurred sasotteta
6 purezento was misspelled
7 o was missing after sugao
8 ni was missing after mitai, deleted ga (not spoken or on the sheet)
10 supiido was misspelled
23 unslurred tsuzuiteru

As for the translation, I'll post my lame attempt at it, but then highlight what I think at least needs to be changed, and what can be changed (some of my words are obviously worse, but I didn't want it to be too similar, so I used more literal translations even where his were good):


With the voice of a king you disobeyed
In the exposed night, you were smiling

Affected by the aurora above the hill
Reaching out both hands, you were inviting me

The beads came apart, becoming scattered
"Isn't it pretty?" The night sky was a present to us

The clown wouldn't show his unpainted face
Like a joke, he wasn't there that day

Even today, it seems the world simply spins
At that speed, any tears will dry, however

Your dreams coming true
Isn't thanks to anyone but yourself
You choose to run on the days the strong wind blows

About now, I wonder where you are and what you're doing
When your shy, departing figure comes to mind
I really want to see you

Your dreams coming true
Isn't thanks to anyone but yourself
You choose to run on the days the strong wind blows

Even without flying, there isn't a problem
The ground continues anyway.
Let's go to the place that you love
If it's you, it can be done


I think these changes are necessary (line numbers from my translation, not the romaji):

3 "above all else" needs to be changed to "above the hill" (or something like that) - I think his is incorrect due to the typo in the romaji.
8 "Like a joke, he wasn't there that day" - I don't know where he got "I couldn't believe," but he seems to have left off a translation for "joudan mitai ni" - also probably because of the mistyped romaji
14 "About now, I wonder where you are and what you're doing" - I think he mistranslated "doushiteru"
23 "If it's you, it can be done" - I don't know where he got "talking about" - I think this is more correct, and more literal

Other things that can be changed, but aren't as important:

4 "you were inviting" - I changed this to match the tense of the verb
5 "The beads came apart, becoming scattered" - I think this is a little better, and doesn't end unresolved
9 "Even today, it seems the world simply spins" - I'm not sure about this, but it seems like a "it seems" verb because of sou, and I translated "kantan" more literally
11-12 "Your dreams coming true Isn't thanks to anyone but yourself" - I translated it more literally, noting the verb's form, as the subject (kanau no wa), and changed the second line to agree. I had to add "but yourself" just like he did, to make it make sense.



Question: The line "me ni ukabu tereta ushiro sugata ni" really confuses me. I ended up fudging a little and doing what he did. There are too many nouns. Is it possible "sugata ni" goes with the next line as the indirect object? The particle doesn't seem to fit unless it does, but I like the implied object "you" for the next line, so I didn't combine them.


Any suggestions/answers/comments/personal translations would be greatly appreciated. Like I said, I don't speak Japanese at all, so I may be completely wrong about everything except the romaji errors. Perhaps we can compile a better translation among forum-goers, as mine is not very good (I didn't want it to be too much like Kevin's). If not, perhaps Kevin can OK the changes I suggested as vital, or we can just leave it with the wrong words. Thanks for your time!
Author:  Joyeuse [ Thu Apr 27, 2006 3:00 am ]
Post subject: 
"ushirosugata" Is actually in my computer-based Japanese dictionary as "Retreating figure, appearance from behind" which is close to what was already there before, IIRC.

I always romanize the direct object particle as "wo," personally. Even Japanese pronounce it that way sometimes, and it helps to distinguish from the actual o character.
Author:  terra [ Mon May 01, 2006 11:18 am ]
Post subject: 
[quote="pr0n"]3 hoka should be oka
4 o was missing after ryoute, unslurred sasotteta
6 purezento was misspelled
7 o was missing after sugao
8 ni was missing after mitai, deleted ga (not spoken or on the sheet)
10 supiido was misspelled
23 unslurred tsuzuiteru
[/quote]

yep, yep, yep... :X

[quote="pr0n"] With the voice of a king you disobeyed
In the exposed night, you were smiling[/quote]

actually, looking at it again, i'm pretty sure it's supposed to be more like 'defying the voice of the king, you were smiling the night you were caught/found out'. i had trouble figuring this part out for a while. the 'ni' indicates what is being defied. and looking up 'bareru' in a better dictionary, it really means exposed in the sense that you're caught in a lie, or caught doing a crime- it makes absolutely no sense for this to describe 'yoru'.

[quote="pr0n"]I think these changes are necessary (line numbers from my translation, not the romaji):

3 "above all else" needs to be changed to "above the hill" (or something like that) - I think his is incorrect due to the typo in the romaji.
8 "Like a joke, he wasn't there that day" - I don't know where he got "I couldn't believe," but he seems to have left off a translation for "joudan mitai ni" - also probably because of the mistyped romaji
14 "About now, I wonder where you are and what you're doing" - I think he mistranslated "doushiteru"
23 "If it's you, it can be done" - I don't know where he got "talking about" - I think this is more correct, and more literal
[/quote]

3 - check. however, i think 'sawareru' here is really the passive (?) form of 'to touch', rather than 'to affect'... so like - 'on top of the hill, she was touched by the aurora' or 'the top of the hill that was touched by the aurora'. 'affected' doesn't make as much sense.
8 - 'joudan mitai' is indeed literally 'like a joke', but more probably naturally translated as 'you've got to be kidding me', 'ridiculous!' etc. (much like 'uso mitai'). it's unnatural to say 'that's like a joke!'/'that's like a lie!' so 'i couldn't believe it' isn't too far off.
14 - check.
23 - it's wordy, true.

[quote="pr0n"]
Other things that can be changed, but aren't as important:

4 "you were inviting" - I changed this to match the tense of the verb
5 "The beads came apart, becoming scattered" - I think this is a little better, and doesn't end unresolved
9 "Even today, it seems the world simply spins" - I'm not sure about this, but it seems like a "it seems" verb because of sou, and I translated "kantan" more literally
11-12 "Your dreams coming true Isn't thanks to anyone but yourself" - I translated it more literally, noting the verb's form, as the subject (kanau no wa), and changed the second line to agree. I had to add "but yourself" just like he did, to make it make sense.
[/quote]

4 - check.
5 - check.
9 - check.
11 - the 'if' was stretching it, but i think more could be done to make this sound less awkward, like 'you're the only one who can make your dreams come true'. i don't think it sounds natural enough taken literally.

thanks for the comments- this certainly benefitted from another look. i'll probably go ahead and redo it myself.
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